What Follows Next Is Truly Hilarious.
A woman decided to have her portrait painted.
She told the artist,
“Paint me with diamond rings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and gold Rolex.”
“But you are not wearing any of those things,” he replied.
“I know,” she said.
“It’s in case I should die before my husband. I’m sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewellery.”
Johnny Was Out Hunting With His Dad Late. This Will Make You Laugh Silly
Little Johnny was out hunting with his dad late in the year.
Dad comes by to see how Johnny is doing.
“Except for my wiener getting cold when I went pee, I’m OK.”
His dad tells him,
“Well if it gets cold again just rub it a little bit to warm it up!”
Dad walks away chuckling a little bit, and a while later figures he better check on Johnny again.
“Son, you doing OK?”.
“Doing good dad.”
“Well, did your wiener get cold again, and if so, did you rub it a little?”
“Sure did dad, and man it feels great when the frost comes out!”
Johnny was playing outside.
What Follows Next Will Make You Laugh Crazy.
One day little Johnny was playing outside.
As he was feeling particularly reckless, Johnny kicked a beehive.
The honeybees cam out of the hive and started swirling around Johnny.
This pissed Johnny off so he stomped on the bees.
His father witnessed this and told him:
“Don’t do that! No honey for a month as a punishment for stomping on the bees.”
Later that week, Johnny squished a butterfly as it landed on his nose.
His father saw this and said:
“No Johnny! No butter for a month will be your punishment .”
While Johnny’s mother was cooking dinner later that day, a few cockroaches were crawling on the counter. Johnny’s mother quickly crushed the cockroaches with a frying pan.
Johnny and his father was watching.
Johnny asked his father:
“Are you going to tell her or should I?”
Little Johnny likes to gamble.
One day, his dad gets a new job, so his family has to move to a new city.
Johnny’s dad thinks,
“I’ll get a head start on Johnny’s gambling.”
He calls the teacher and says,
“My son Johnny will be starting your class tomorrow, but he likes to gamble, so you’ll have to keep an eye on him.”
The teacher says, “Okay,” because she can handle it.
The next day, Johnny walks into class and hands the teacher an apple and says,
“Hi, my name is Johnny.”
She says, “Yes, I know who you are.”
Johnny smiles and says,
“I bet you $10 you’ve got a mole on your b*tt.”
The teacher thinks that she will break his little gambling problem, so she takes him up on the bet.
She pulls her pants down, shows him her b*tt, and there is no mole.
That afternoon, Johnny goes home and tells his dad that he lost $10 to the teacher and explains why.
His dad calls the teacher and says,
“Johnny said that he bet you that you had a mole on your b*tt and he lost.”
The teacher says,
“Yeah, and I think I broke his gambling problem.”
Johnny’s dad laughs and says,
“No you didn’t, he bet me $100 this morning that he’d see your a$s before the day was over.”