When we are firstborn our parents are all that we have in this world. We would not be who we are today without them.
For an insightful dive into the profound connection between parents and children, consider checking out the book, “The 5 Love Languages of Children: The Secret to Loving Children Effectively.”
Our parents are the people we look to for support and guidance. They are supposed to keep us feeling safe at all times and make sure as children that we follow their rules. However, as humans, we are all capable of making mistakes.
As a child, we do not often think of our parents as ‘just humans’ we see them as more than that. These people we call Mom and Dad are our creators, guardians, protectors. They are Gods and Goddesses in our eyes as children, there is nothing Mommy and Daddy cannot do.
Everything that a parent does and how they do it becomes an important part of their child’s psyche. The way we speak to our children becomes their inner voice. It tells them what is right and what is wrong.
For those parents seeking guidance on effective communication with their kids, the book “How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk” might be a beneficial addition to your collection.
If you are often angry and cold towards your children, they will carry on this into adulthood. They will do the same thing you are doing to them to themselves later on. We all make mistakes, if you are making one now, why not take the time to correct it?
We want our children to have an inner voice that does not insult them. If you are friendly and motivating to your child they will take that on as their inner voice, this will prove to be much more effective than having an inner voice that makes them feel worthless.
The Phrases below are ones you should NEVER say to your children, no matter how mad you are or what they have done:
1. “Stop crying right now!”
Even if there is no reason for your child to be crying in that moment do not make them feel stupid for doing so and for not being able to stop. They cannot control their emotions. They deserve to be allowed to feel what they are feeling if you say this to your child you are programming them to think that it is not okay to have emotions.
They will eventually suppress everything. You should try saying something else in situations like this. Something like “It’s okay to cry but you still need to understand what you did was wrong.” This will get you much further.
2. “I am disappointed in you!”
Parents tell their children this when they are in trouble and already feeling down about themselves and whatever they have done. When your child does something wrong help them to find the right path don’t let them think they are a disappointment. Try saying something like ”What you did was wrong, let’s talk this over okay?”
3. “You are not [something] enough!”
By telling your child there is something lacking in them be it something on the inside or on the outside it hurts. While you are not specifically saying they are not enough you are implying it. This is something that will grow into your child feeling not good enough in life overall if you do not address it soon. Try saying “You are [something] enough, we can work harder at it.”
4. “Big boys/girls don’t get scared”
Yes, they do. This is not protecting your child in any way. They are scared, you cannot stop their fear by telling them to not be afraid. Everyone gets scared sometimes, even you. Face your fears instead of running away from them, that is what you should be teaching your children. Say something like “It is okay to be scared, everyone gets scared sometimes but I know something that will help.”
5. “You are worthless!”
This one is something that you should never ever say to your children. You are the person whose approval they seek the most they should not be afraid of what you might think of them. By saying this you are making them set out on a journey seeking approval from wherever they can get it. Try saying something like “No one is perfect sweetie, you will do better next time.”
6. “You are a bad kid!”
You should never make your child feel like they are bad as a whole. This also goes along with using the word rotten. You should try using the phrase “What you did was bad” Because their actions may not be as good as you would like for them to be but that shouldn’t make you think negatively of your child as a whole. We all make mistakes, that doesn’t mean we are all bad people.
7. “I do everything for you!”
Duh, this is your child, you are supposed to do everything for them. You should not be holding that against them, They did not choose to be born. You should be ashamed of yourself if you have said this to your child. They are not the problem when it comes to what you do for them they are there for you to take care of not the other way around.
8. “You’re fat”
This is something that also should not have to be on this list. You should never tear you children down like this. If you have a fat kid they already know they’re fat. They without a doubt hear about it from other children every single day. Home should be a safe place, not a place that they’re going to be bullied even more in.
Try saying something like “I’m thinking about getting into shape and being healthy, do you wanna give it a try with me? I don’t want to do it alone.” Negative labeling like calling your kid fat will lead to eating disorders and an unhealthy body image without a doubt.
It’s essential for parents to arm themselves with knowledge on positive parenting. “Positive Parenting: An Essential Guide“ is a recommended read for those looking to nurture their child’s spirit while setting boundaries.
Be careful what you say to your children. They are the ones who will be there to take care of you when you can no longer take care of yourself. If they grow up hating who they are and how you treated them you won’t have much of a caregiver when the time comes. Love your children for who they are and encourage them to do good, don’t tear them down.
And to ensure you are equipped with the best tools for parenting, consider adding “No-Drama Discipline: The Whole-Brain Way to Calm the Chaos and Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind“ to your reading list.